Happiness is A Habit

The Full version of Chris Cox and guest Jenny Lee’s conversation was initially recorded during the premiere episode of season 2 of the W.I.L.D. ONE’S podcast. The W.I.L.D. ONE’S a monthly podcast that aims to highlight people of color in Nebraska and beyond who are Working. In. Love. Daily. And they are turning their passion into a profession. To listen and or view the entire episode, click here.

A conversation with Jenny Lee, a teacher of 20 years and founder of BeeVibe Life Coaching, about how her inspirational morning routines based around self-care and re-connection of self have led to guiding others to heal and reconnect with their dignified and highest selves through morning rituals and self-care in her community.

CC: Okay, what got you here, like, what got you to this podcast? What got you to this moment?

JL: I was at a point in my life I was always living in this trauma Response Um, you know, everything that I was doing, I hated everybody that was around me. I was not too fond of it, and I had such bad relationships with people around me because I was exhausted, I was not taking care of myself, I was depleted, and that was magnified, especially after the birth of my son.

I became a mother, and I wasn't sleeping, and there's like all these expectations of how hard life is supposed to be and all these expectations on women of, you know, what you should do to look good as a mother, right? Deplete yourself, break your body, and you know, then, uh, you're such a noble mother. Well, that's pretty much how I was raised because that's what I was; that's how I was. Watching my mother and how she erased us was creating a hostile environment, a traumatizing one for me and my sister growing up.

Having grown up partly in Indonesia, women are expected to be a certain way, and there's like this map of life for them. Maybe finish school and college, get married, be a good mother, and you know how they're supposed to look. This was such a misalignment. That separated me from my true self after I moved to the United States. I was still carrying that expectation. It was not working well for me, a big part of my life. Separation means you're separated from the joy of who you are and the happiness you are from your soul.

Completely right. And I think that's what got me to that night of the soul, which I think many people. Most people, you know, probably give their enlightenment when it's the darkest of their life. So, that led to so that moment when things weren't working, and my life crumbled, and I got a divorce. I got out of my, all house that I was living in with my former husband, and we had to split custody. And I was in a new place and didn't have anybody to care for, right?

Because before I, I, yeah, you know, I'm a mother, still and I was also a teacher, I was also the cook; I was also the cleaner, I was also, you know, like the homemaker. And that would come back from teaching and take care and take care of my son and teach my son again, right, a teacher, like twice. It's all very emotionally, physically and spiritually, and spiritually draining. But then, because of that experience that catapulted me into a new place where I was on my own, I had to listen to what I needed, I had to listen to my body, had to just be with myself and get to know myself again.

After that time, I still wanted to change my job, as I was not too fond of the mornings. Because I did not like my life, I mean, yeah, if it's a life, if it's a job that you don't like waking up to, it's hard in the morning, right?

I'm already uplifted, mood-wise, in my relationship. With the students became so much better and like everything changed. They're much more receptive to my teaching, and I enjoy finding ways to make my lessons fun and interact with the kids. And so things just got better and better. Many of the kids come to school depleted, and you know, they need so much love. When I was exhausted, I could not give that love and attention, but now it's like they open up to me so quickly; the environment outside of me is the same, but what changed was me.

CC: Yes

J.L.: But at some point. I woke up too early, and it was still a depressing morning. I was dragging myself, but I was awake already, anyway. It was just too long of me in this hamster wheel of depressive mood, right? Instinctively I just turned on some music, and instinctively I started moving my body, which was the start of everything.

You know, it was just like 3 min, like, hey, that felt good, all right, maybe I'll do that again tomorrow. And so the following day, I started again then, okay, why don't I wake up a little early tomorrow, maybe 10 min, so I can dense to one or two songs, right?

So that's what changed my life, how to put me on this path of finding joy, you know what when you're already on that? That's your reason. Then you know Life's purpose is to enjoy life, just to dance and enjoy the dance without having to get somewhere right. And that's why you do what you love: you're enjoying life. It's not working anymore.

CC: well, and I always remember that um, that saying if you do what you love, then you never work a day in your life, you know, and it is very accurate and only with one caveat I say you still work. You just don't mind the work because you love it, so you love the work, and what I found so interesting in what you are saying is I'm a parent to have two children. I have an eleven-year-old girl who's going on eighteen who's going on twenty-five, you know, and then I have a nine-year-old son. You don't want to think of kids as a distraction,

but what they don't tell you in the old be a parent, being a parent is so great is that you do lose yourself because you become entirely engrossed in this little life. Making sure they eat, making sure they go to sleep, making sure they take a bath, making sure they have all of their clothes on when they go to school. And all those little things and helping with the homework and teaching them this and teaching them right from wrong and talking to them and giving them all this, trying to pour as much life into them as possible.

Remember, you need to fill your cup. Hearing you say, Oh, I didn't have anybody in my new space. Not to again, not to sail the distraction. You didn't have anyone else's cup to fill.

JL: I understand entirely what you mean about feeling guilty because that's what many of our parents are, women, mothers, right? You need to take care of yourself because you're exhausted. But I don't have time for that; I don't have the money for that. Or when they do that, they would feel guilty. Because there was a point when I felt guilty taking a nap, right? Oh, okay, I got busy doing this, maybe cleaning, and then I fed my son a little late, maybe 20 or 30 min late.

It was like, Oh my God, I'm such a lousy mother. So it's like you're already exhausted and beating yourself up because you're not meeting certain expectations. And that happens a lot. But I can return to the morning routines and how that led me to meet myself again. And so, from the 10 min that I enjoyed, I enjoyed the music and the movement. And because I had so much fun from the 10 min, it grew to 15 min a couple of weeks later. And then I thought, wow, I'm having so much fun; I want to do this a little longer.

So it's 20 min a couple of weeks later. Right then, I learned about challenges; yeah, why can't I just add maybe 5 min of, uh, doing some challenge, maybe some, challenging yoga moves or dance moves? So I added three to five more minutes to learn that, Um, and I learned about juicing, and uh, a month later, I added 15 to 20 minutes to juice and

Wash the appliances. Then I learned about meditation, breath work, ice cold showers, and all the stuff like that, all the varieties, right?

Whatever feels nourishing and Uplifting. It's all about me nourishing myself emotionally. Then you know what change is. Back in the day when I hated my job, well, I was also a teacher, and I still am, but the way that I showed up at work was more. I will just come to work, get the kids to do their work. Submit my lesson plans, take my paycheck, and go home. Right? There's this hamster wheel of monotony and this mundane, sad life, right? Being there for too long could eat you from the inside, and that's what happened to me.

But then, with that practice, it was me putting myself 1st, showing up for myself 1st, giving myself the most, the happiest thing, the happiest activity. That I could do that, What would, what would you call that, nourishing the soil, that is me,

so that, you know, those are the, the seeds of happiness and joy and that becomes, just beautiful trees with nourishing food, like nourishing fruits that I could give to everybody else around me, right? And so how that changed. Because the question was in the morning, you know, that point when I was depressed, was, how can I make this better, how can I make this more fun for myself? It was the dance; it was the music. And so that became the question when I come to work when I'm lesson planning.

How can I make this lesson fun? I'm already emotionally happy and nourished. I, I'm already uplifted, mood-wise; my relationship with the students became so much better, and everything changed. They're much more receptive to my teaching, and I enjoy finding ways to make my lessons fun and interact with the kids. And so things just got better and better. And honestly, as I have the same job, You know, it's still in Hartford, Connecticut, and inner city school where the kids come from rough environments, you know, there are some violence and drug problems. You know, and a lot of the kids come to school depleted, and you know, and they need so much love.

At that point, when I was exhausted, I could not give my students or myself that love and attention, but now it's like they open up to me so quickly, I can build such great relationships, and you know, the environment outside of me is the same, but what changed is me!! I am now this happier individual with much to give. It's, it's like a hundred and yeah, a hundred and 80 degrees, right?

Click on the Image above and watch the full Episode with Host Chris Cox Featuring Jenny Lee.